Women who have their ovaries removed before menopause run a heightened risk of developing dementia or other mental problems later in life - unless they take estrogen until age 50, a new study suggests.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
my life sucks
I have gotten some feedback that all I do is complain on my blog. So I have tried to add some of my signature humor lately.
But today I just hit rock bottom. Delete, close the blog, whatever, if you don't want to read this.
Okay. So 8:30 this morning my father calls ostensibly to ask me how to cook the chicken he has in the freezer because he wants to make chicken salad for lunch. I tell him, no, you can't cook it in the microwave. yuk. Then he tells me that my mother who has been getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and then sitting in her recliner instead of going back to bed, did not have a diaper on last night and when he got up he saw a trail of poop (he said a trail and i had to ask my father whether it was poop or pee) from the recliner to the bathroom.
I offered to run some carpet cleaner over there. When I did laundry there for them I noted that they didn't have any Shout or whatever and my father said my mother always used the brown bar soap. So then he told me that he had bought oxiclean (after I told him he needed a stain remover) and that it would work on carpets.
He then went on to tell me that he didn't know if he could handle this and how he needs to watch my mother at all time and he didn't know he needed to check to see if she had a diaper on. I just don't know what to say.
So I say ... Okay. bye. back to work for me cuz see I gotta make a living.
Then I got a call from a teacher at Henry's school. He hasn't handed in his permission slip and money for a field trip. I knew about it because they send home an email every day with homework and stuff like field trips. I had told Henry last week he needed to get it in.
See a few years ago when I was keeping track of all the kids expenditures, Missy had suggested we each take a kid and pay for school costs. I thought that was a great idea. She now says never agreed to my plan.
I have spent a couple of hundred dollars on Eli (the kid I pay for) for marching band outfit rental, tuxedo rental for concert band, $90 for a calculator, $90 for soccer and not to mention I apy for all the stuff regarding church.
Anyhoo I explained to the teacher why I wasn't sending in the money (teachers must hear all this shit so I am not SO embarrassed.) She said she would call Missy. I called Missy and left a message and she called me and said ...
... she didn't have the money
... she has no money because she is going to her nephews wedding in a couple of weeks
... she will pay me back if i pay it
... why doesn' she get notice about these things (um they send home a permssion slip with the costs which Henry lost after I told him to tell her about it)
and when I started to say ... we have this agreement she started yelling that we didn't have an aggrement ... I hung up.
When she came to pick up the kids ... it is her day but Eli's bus comes here and after Henry kept coming here every Wed*which she had major fits about) she finally acquiesced that he could since she needed to pick up Eli anyway. duh. And I really didn't like him going there anyway because he has no phone (he lost it) and they have no landline so I really don't want him there for hours without a phone there.
So she just beeped when she got here but then she called me later and wanted to know if she could pick up the chekc and I said no. I had talked to Henry about this.n and he seemed to undertan. I HATE putting him in the middle but I have finally decided I can't keep doing this for her.
I just don;t get it. First of all if her money is that tight that she can't cough up $32 for a field trip then that really worries me. When I have said no before, okay maybe once, she came up with it. So as I told her she either has to post date the check or tell them she is poor or whatever.
I know I could take the high road and just pay the fucking $32. Do I really have it. No. But kids come first. Not nephews weddings, not cigarettes, not the girlfriends childs support.
I am just really trying to reclaim my power. Whether it is my father, or Missy or the kids. It does no one (well except for one) good if I just let everyone talk to me however they want.
Oh and while I AM complaining ... I told Henry that the county school system just started a free homeschooling program. And if he continues to need one on one help (what I have done with his last few homework assignments) which can't happen in public school, I am going to homeschool him. That really shook him up.
We have a team meeting on Friday so I will have a better handle on it. We choose that day because that was the only day that Missy could possibly come so we will see if she shows. Honestly I hope she doesn't. All she does in these meetings and we have had plenty-- is toot her own horn about all she does to help him which is complete and utter bullshit.
So I cried a lot today. I feel like there is nothing fun or good in my life. I love my kids but they aren't enough and they are both PIA. My parents are still not okay and I still haven't finished cleaning out their apt. My ex just makes me nuts. And then I feel like I am the crazy one.
I really need some fun. A really nice vacation. But no time or money and quite frankly I woudl come back to how my life is so SOS.
I guess I shoudl be greatful to be alive and now healthy. Somehow that isn't giving me any solace tonight.
And so it goes.
But today I just hit rock bottom. Delete, close the blog, whatever, if you don't want to read this.
Okay. So 8:30 this morning my father calls ostensibly to ask me how to cook the chicken he has in the freezer because he wants to make chicken salad for lunch. I tell him, no, you can't cook it in the microwave. yuk. Then he tells me that my mother who has been getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and then sitting in her recliner instead of going back to bed, did not have a diaper on last night and when he got up he saw a trail of poop (he said a trail and i had to ask my father whether it was poop or pee) from the recliner to the bathroom.
I offered to run some carpet cleaner over there. When I did laundry there for them I noted that they didn't have any Shout or whatever and my father said my mother always used the brown bar soap. So then he told me that he had bought oxiclean (after I told him he needed a stain remover) and that it would work on carpets.
He then went on to tell me that he didn't know if he could handle this and how he needs to watch my mother at all time and he didn't know he needed to check to see if she had a diaper on. I just don't know what to say.
So I say ... Okay. bye. back to work for me cuz see I gotta make a living.
Then I got a call from a teacher at Henry's school. He hasn't handed in his permission slip and money for a field trip. I knew about it because they send home an email every day with homework and stuff like field trips. I had told Henry last week he needed to get it in.
See a few years ago when I was keeping track of all the kids expenditures, Missy had suggested we each take a kid and pay for school costs. I thought that was a great idea. She now says never agreed to my plan.
I have spent a couple of hundred dollars on Eli (the kid I pay for) for marching band outfit rental, tuxedo rental for concert band, $90 for a calculator, $90 for soccer and not to mention I apy for all the stuff regarding church.
Anyhoo I explained to the teacher why I wasn't sending in the money (teachers must hear all this shit so I am not SO embarrassed.) She said she would call Missy. I called Missy and left a message and she called me and said ...
... she didn't have the money
... she has no money because she is going to her nephews wedding in a couple of weeks
... she will pay me back if i pay it
... why doesn' she get notice about these things (um they send home a permssion slip with the costs which Henry lost after I told him to tell her about it)
and when I started to say ... we have this agreement she started yelling that we didn't have an aggrement ... I hung up.
When she came to pick up the kids ... it is her day but Eli's bus comes here and after Henry kept coming here every Wed*which she had major fits about) she finally acquiesced that he could since she needed to pick up Eli anyway. duh. And I really didn't like him going there anyway because he has no phone (he lost it) and they have no landline so I really don't want him there for hours without a phone there.
So she just beeped when she got here but then she called me later and wanted to know if she could pick up the chekc and I said no. I had talked to Henry about this.n and he seemed to undertan. I HATE putting him in the middle but I have finally decided I can't keep doing this for her.
I just don;t get it. First of all if her money is that tight that she can't cough up $32 for a field trip then that really worries me. When I have said no before, okay maybe once, she came up with it. So as I told her she either has to post date the check or tell them she is poor or whatever.
I know I could take the high road and just pay the fucking $32. Do I really have it. No. But kids come first. Not nephews weddings, not cigarettes, not the girlfriends childs support.
I am just really trying to reclaim my power. Whether it is my father, or Missy or the kids. It does no one (well except for one) good if I just let everyone talk to me however they want.
Oh and while I AM complaining ... I told Henry that the county school system just started a free homeschooling program. And if he continues to need one on one help (what I have done with his last few homework assignments) which can't happen in public school, I am going to homeschool him. That really shook him up.
We have a team meeting on Friday so I will have a better handle on it. We choose that day because that was the only day that Missy could possibly come so we will see if she shows. Honestly I hope she doesn't. All she does in these meetings and we have had plenty-- is toot her own horn about all she does to help him which is complete and utter bullshit.
So I cried a lot today. I feel like there is nothing fun or good in my life. I love my kids but they aren't enough and they are both PIA. My parents are still not okay and I still haven't finished cleaning out their apt. My ex just makes me nuts. And then I feel like I am the crazy one.
I really need some fun. A really nice vacation. But no time or money and quite frankly I woudl come back to how my life is so SOS.
I guess I shoudl be greatful to be alive and now healthy. Somehow that isn't giving me any solace tonight.
And so it goes.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Updates
Someone pointed out I hadn't posted in a week. whoa.
Let's see. Under the title ... no good deed ... I posted a bunch of the crap furniture still left at my parent's apt under free on Craigs List. Was to meet three different people there on Sunday. I couldn't believe the response. I was going to do freecycle but it was takign too long for the moderators to approve my membership so I just did Craigs List. One of the things I needed to get rid of was my mothers dresser and mirror which is too big for Glen Meadows. I called late art deco and posted a pic. Well, I could tell a lot of the responses were people who fix stuff and resell. Then a guy who says he has five kids and money is tight and they would love it ... well eventhough he wasn't first, (my barometer of who I would give what to) I told him he could have it and he was happy and he was the one who didn't show! So now I have to set up another time and this time I will give it to some little entrepreneur who will indeed show up. I still need to get the loveseat and cedar chest from there to here and I still haven't gone through the storage locker. ack. But we are getting there!
Under the title ... SOS ... we have a team meeting with Henry's teachers on Friday. They requested it. Already. Missy's response first off was that she couldn't possibly get off work to go and second that she didn't like the idea of him being labeled already. Um. He must be failing on his interims. I don't really think the teachers called a meeting just for the heck of it. Ah, I so missed this paranoia and problems this summer.
Under the title of ... how do I feel ... I must say ... with my hands. hah. I feel fine. Yesterday I did go to the cancer schmancer website of Fran Drescher who had the same cancer I did and how she is celebrating 7 years cancer free. In my mind it just feels like I had an operation. But I guess having to get a pap smear every three months for a couple of years will remind me that ... I am out of the woods but I can still see a tree or two.
Under the title of ... my parents ... well. I went there last Friday as they both had a doctor's appt with their doc. One of the few GOOD things my father actually has to say about anything is that their doc sees patients at Glen Meadows. They both put on a brave front and smile and everything is fine. I know I do that to some extent with my doc too but ... Then my cousin came to visit so I stayed and we all went to lunch in the cafeteria. She treated which made my father nuts (he is gracious with ... other people) but then she told me for the four of us it was less than $7!!!!!!!!!!!!! My cousin and my father each got chicken a la king and my mother and I had a salad. At these prices no wonder so many of the residents eat breakfast and lunch there!
They are overwhelmed by how friendly (nosey) everyone is. They really like to descend on fresh meat -- stopping by, inviting them to dinner (this is a big thing here but it kind of funny since it is free for everyone), helping them find their way around. Unfortunately with my mother's dementia and hearing issues, she just nods and smiles at people. She will not be able to make friends there. My father would enjoy it more but he doesn't want to leave my mother alone and won't pay for anyone to stay with her.
They hate going somewhere for dinner. It is a bit of a hike and my father is sort of pathetic pushing my mother's wheelchair because he has gotten weak too. But I keep encouraging them to go instead of doing takeout because it gets them out of the aparetment into the community.
My fahter is so insecure. The kids and I had dinner there last Monday night. He kept pointing out how dressed up people were. Well, yes, some seem to be pretending they live at a resort or are on a cruise ship but maybe he needs to not be a slob at home and then he could wear the shirt and pants he has on. He even said I wasn't dressed up enough! Yikes. And he was all fussed up because the kids had on tennis shoes and shorts, two no no's according the rules. Well I called and they said it was fine for kids and my kids don't even have shoes that aren't tennis shoes! Anyhoo, for the most part people were not fancy but I guess if a woman puts a scarf around her neck, it must be dress up for him.
It is such a shame that they didn't do this five years ago. When they were in better shape and could have enjoyed the activities and made friends. Then they would have a support network there.
Instead, it basically is me. The other night I was talking to my father and he was complaining how my mother doesn't have any interest in anything. And it is true. The two months in the nursing home made things worse I think. But there is also something about the dynamic between the two of them. My father criticizes things she does so she just has given up. She didn't move one ornament that I put out. But when she was here and in really bad shape she still managed to get out on my porch and trim plants and was much more interactive with us.
In a way I think she would be better here with me but as my father reiterated at the doc appt, his VA doc told him he could live another 20 years and since I came to my senses that I can't live with him, this is the best option.
I have been trying to disengage on managing their affairs. My mom sees the surgeon today and I am not going. They have someone at the hospital who will bring a wheelchair and wait until my father parks the car. I did notice last time that my father walks down through the garage instead of taking the elevator. I asked him why and told him that there are handicapped parking spots on each floor near the elevator and that is what he should do. He said he didn't know where the spots were. This is the kind of stupid little stuff that my father would have figured out on his own. But yes he is getting worse so when I am able to point stuff out that will help, I do.
And finally under the title of ... working. I AM! I am finally back in the swing of recruiting, getting my head wrapped around all I had learned and learning more and still liking it.
And so it goes ...
Let's see. Under the title ... no good deed ... I posted a bunch of the crap furniture still left at my parent's apt under free on Craigs List. Was to meet three different people there on Sunday. I couldn't believe the response. I was going to do freecycle but it was takign too long for the moderators to approve my membership so I just did Craigs List. One of the things I needed to get rid of was my mothers dresser and mirror which is too big for Glen Meadows. I called late art deco and posted a pic. Well, I could tell a lot of the responses were people who fix stuff and resell. Then a guy who says he has five kids and money is tight and they would love it ... well eventhough he wasn't first, (my barometer of who I would give what to) I told him he could have it and he was happy and he was the one who didn't show! So now I have to set up another time and this time I will give it to some little entrepreneur who will indeed show up. I still need to get the loveseat and cedar chest from there to here and I still haven't gone through the storage locker. ack. But we are getting there!
Under the title ... SOS ... we have a team meeting with Henry's teachers on Friday. They requested it. Already. Missy's response first off was that she couldn't possibly get off work to go and second that she didn't like the idea of him being labeled already. Um. He must be failing on his interims. I don't really think the teachers called a meeting just for the heck of it. Ah, I so missed this paranoia and problems this summer.
Under the title of ... how do I feel ... I must say ... with my hands. hah. I feel fine. Yesterday I did go to the cancer schmancer website of Fran Drescher who had the same cancer I did and how she is celebrating 7 years cancer free. In my mind it just feels like I had an operation. But I guess having to get a pap smear every three months for a couple of years will remind me that ... I am out of the woods but I can still see a tree or two.
Under the title of ... my parents ... well. I went there last Friday as they both had a doctor's appt with their doc. One of the few GOOD things my father actually has to say about anything is that their doc sees patients at Glen Meadows. They both put on a brave front and smile and everything is fine. I know I do that to some extent with my doc too but ... Then my cousin came to visit so I stayed and we all went to lunch in the cafeteria. She treated which made my father nuts (he is gracious with ... other people) but then she told me for the four of us it was less than $7!!!!!!!!!!!!! My cousin and my father each got chicken a la king and my mother and I had a salad. At these prices no wonder so many of the residents eat breakfast and lunch there!
They are overwhelmed by how friendly (nosey) everyone is. They really like to descend on fresh meat -- stopping by, inviting them to dinner (this is a big thing here but it kind of funny since it is free for everyone), helping them find their way around. Unfortunately with my mother's dementia and hearing issues, she just nods and smiles at people. She will not be able to make friends there. My father would enjoy it more but he doesn't want to leave my mother alone and won't pay for anyone to stay with her.
They hate going somewhere for dinner. It is a bit of a hike and my father is sort of pathetic pushing my mother's wheelchair because he has gotten weak too. But I keep encouraging them to go instead of doing takeout because it gets them out of the aparetment into the community.
My fahter is so insecure. The kids and I had dinner there last Monday night. He kept pointing out how dressed up people were. Well, yes, some seem to be pretending they live at a resort or are on a cruise ship but maybe he needs to not be a slob at home and then he could wear the shirt and pants he has on. He even said I wasn't dressed up enough! Yikes. And he was all fussed up because the kids had on tennis shoes and shorts, two no no's according the rules. Well I called and they said it was fine for kids and my kids don't even have shoes that aren't tennis shoes! Anyhoo, for the most part people were not fancy but I guess if a woman puts a scarf around her neck, it must be dress up for him.
It is such a shame that they didn't do this five years ago. When they were in better shape and could have enjoyed the activities and made friends. Then they would have a support network there.
Instead, it basically is me. The other night I was talking to my father and he was complaining how my mother doesn't have any interest in anything. And it is true. The two months in the nursing home made things worse I think. But there is also something about the dynamic between the two of them. My father criticizes things she does so she just has given up. She didn't move one ornament that I put out. But when she was here and in really bad shape she still managed to get out on my porch and trim plants and was much more interactive with us.
In a way I think she would be better here with me but as my father reiterated at the doc appt, his VA doc told him he could live another 20 years and since I came to my senses that I can't live with him, this is the best option.
I have been trying to disengage on managing their affairs. My mom sees the surgeon today and I am not going. They have someone at the hospital who will bring a wheelchair and wait until my father parks the car. I did notice last time that my father walks down through the garage instead of taking the elevator. I asked him why and told him that there are handicapped parking spots on each floor near the elevator and that is what he should do. He said he didn't know where the spots were. This is the kind of stupid little stuff that my father would have figured out on his own. But yes he is getting worse so when I am able to point stuff out that will help, I do.
And finally under the title of ... working. I AM! I am finally back in the swing of recruiting, getting my head wrapped around all I had learned and learning more and still liking it.
And so it goes ...
Monday, September 24, 2007
happy or hopeless?
Starbucks Job Rescues Ad Exec Who Lost It All
NEW YORK -- For 25 years, he was known as Michael Gates Gill, but that was when he was an advertising executive, a self-described "master of the universe" who put his job first, his wife and four children second.
Then he was fired. He was 53, replaced by someone, he says, "younger and cheaper."
These days, at 67, he's simply Mike, the friendly barista at a Starbucks in suburban New York. He's happy, he says, making lattes and cleaning the bathroom.
Gill, the Yale-educated son of writer Brendan Gill (Here at the New Yorker), has written an improbable memoir: 'How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else.'
Well, not quite like everyone. Universal Pictures bought the film rights before the book was even finished. Gus Van Sant is to direct. Tom Hanks may play Gill.
"It's like Alice in Wonderland," Gill says on his day off, sipping an iced venti latte at the Manhattan Starbucks where he used to work before transferring to a store closer to home in Bronxville.
The branch manager who hired him three years ago also is there. Tiffany Edwards, 33, recalls when Gill first told her he was writing a book, "I said, 'Whatever.' Now, we're so proud."
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The book is mostly about the joy of doing a job he likes and how he feels more respect at Starbucks than he did as a creative director at J. Walter Thompson, the giant advertising firm.
It also deals with the low points of his life, his divorce and brain tumor. The book has a religious, born-again feel to it. Gill agrees and says, "It's spiritual."
"He makes me blush," adds Edwards, the daughter of immigrants from Trinidad, patting her heart. "I didn't know what impact we had."
Gill was nearly broke four years ago when he met Edwards, who helped inspire a composite character named Crystal in the book.
His post-Thompson consulting business had faded. He'd recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor. His wife had divorced him after Gill confessed he and his girlfriend were about to have a baby.
He took the job out of desperation. He needed health insurance for himself and his new son.
What he found, he says, was self-respect and a new sense of happiness. But "until I started writing, I didn't realize why I was happy."
As he made the transition "from a member of the ruling class to a member of the serving class," he came to appreciate Edwards' skills as a manager. She is a much better boss than he had ever been, he says.
The book takes some liberties with the facts. In addition to composite characters, it compresses time sequences. But Gill says everything about himself, his old and new lives, is "true and honest."
Even now with the book and movie deal -- the rights sold for six-figures, Variety reported -- Gill plans to keep working at Starbucks. He earns about $10.50 an hour.
"I need the interaction," he says. "I need the confidence it's given me, that I can keep up with the other partners who are in their 20s." (Starbucks calls its employees "partners" and its customers "guests.")
Gill says the job has given him time to reconnect with his children from his marriage and spend time with his youngest.
He writes that his girlfriend lost interest in him when she discovered he wasn't rich.
He says his health is fine, and his brain tumor hasn't grown. "My doctor calls it 'watchful waiting.' "
What would his father, who died in 1997 and had been a friend of Jackie Onassis and Brooke Astor, think of the book?
"I'm sure he'd say it could have been written better. He was a critic and a beautiful writer. But I think he'd be proud."
And what would he think of his son working as a barista?
"I'm not sure he'd understand. He was a high achiever. He always wanted to write the great American novel, and he was disappointed he didn't. He was always running from one party to another, but I don't think he was really happy -- not that the way I am now."
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Copyright 2007 USA TODAY, a division
Monday, September 17, 2007
barry manilow and back to work
Barry Manilow was on the Today Show this morning. He is touting his new CD ... songs from the seventies. I knew every word of every song. And now I am thinking of getting it. Be afraid, be very afraid.
On that note, it is back to work and the real world for me today. I feel pretty good. Just some shooting pains every once in a while but other than that I am pretty much physically and emotionally healed. I know I have a desk under all that crap and that I need to weed through today. Already getting calls from bill collectors regarding my medical bills so I need to straighten all that out too. Fun, fun.
I am burnt out on this move and my parents. Yesterday Michael and Eli helped me move all the stuff out of their old apt that I was taking. Everything but the cedar chest which we will have to do another trip for. Now I have here boxes and boxes of crap that I thought I wanted but now I just want to chuck. I am just so sick of this. Every room I was responsible for packing and moving is cleaned out. But my father's den/office is still full of crap. I just signed up for freecycle but what a pain having to go over whenever someone wants something. I am thinking I am just going to have 1800gotjunk to come and take it. But then that puts crap in landfills and I really don't want to do that but I AM SO OVER ALL THIS!
Welp. Gotta get started on clearing off my desk so I can work. Tonight the kids and I are having dinner at Glen Meadows at 5pm. Lordy. They had both gotten more flexible on meals times during the last few months but now they are back to their routine. A beer at 4:30 and dinner at 5.
And so it goes ...
On that note, it is back to work and the real world for me today. I feel pretty good. Just some shooting pains every once in a while but other than that I am pretty much physically and emotionally healed. I know I have a desk under all that crap and that I need to weed through today. Already getting calls from bill collectors regarding my medical bills so I need to straighten all that out too. Fun, fun.
I am burnt out on this move and my parents. Yesterday Michael and Eli helped me move all the stuff out of their old apt that I was taking. Everything but the cedar chest which we will have to do another trip for. Now I have here boxes and boxes of crap that I thought I wanted but now I just want to chuck. I am just so sick of this. Every room I was responsible for packing and moving is cleaned out. But my father's den/office is still full of crap. I just signed up for freecycle but what a pain having to go over whenever someone wants something. I am thinking I am just going to have 1800gotjunk to come and take it. But then that puts crap in landfills and I really don't want to do that but I AM SO OVER ALL THIS!
Welp. Gotta get started on clearing off my desk so I can work. Tonight the kids and I are having dinner at Glen Meadows at 5pm. Lordy. They had both gotten more flexible on meals times during the last few months but now they are back to their routine. A beer at 4:30 and dinner at 5.
And so it goes ...
Friday, September 14, 2007
dodged that bullet
So last night I was talking to my father and he said they had been in for two days so he thought they might go to the VFW for lunch. It freaked me out. He really doesn't get that life has changed. They had so many good years in the apt but now they need to stay close to home.
He still drives at 88 but if I am in the car with him, I drive and I won't let him drive the kids anymore I guess that says it all but how do I know when he really can't/shouldn't drive at all anymore? My ex is already salivating that their car will go to Eli. What an ass. It will go to me, thank you. :)
I just think he shouldn't be dragging my mother here and there anymore. But I didn't know how to say that. He said that PT was coming for an evaluation this morning so I ran over to Glen Meadows and got there before the PT guy. I am glad I did. They did therapy in the apt. She is okayed (medicare) for PT for 30 days ... which is great! He is working on balance which is the issue. From now on though my father will have to get her to the wellness center which I think is fine because it gets them out of the apt and into the community.
Although my father says that getting her in the wheelchair to the dining room is almost more than he can handle. Maybe they should have moved into an apt which is in the same building but the only one available at the time was really small and was claustrophobic. This place with the patio is just so much nicer.
Well if he truly can't do it anymore, they will just have to pay for someone to come down and get them there and back. The beauty of this place even if they can't see it. But I do want them to take advantage of the community more than just dinner. And if it gets really bad they can move into an apt or assisted living. One day at a time, one day at a time. ....
Anyhoo, I was able to use the fact that Perring Parkway said that she needed additional therapy to bring up that I would feel better if they just stuck close to home while she is doing the PT. My father was like .. we aren't going anywhere and I said you said yesterday you were thinking about going to the VFW for lunch today. ugh.
So after PT I suggested that we go to the farmers market at the manor house (where apts and assisted living is). On Fridays a local farmer brings stuff to sell. It is great. They got corn and green tomatoes for lunch and some fruit. I got green beans that I got two weeks ago that were fab. She said they picked them on the way there so they were only a couple of hours old. yum.
Oh the people all hang out there around the farmers stand and this woman has a persian cat on a leash that sits on the basket of her walker. OMG. It is so cute. Miss Kitty. I told her she didn't try really hard on a name. She laughed. I love teasing old people. Everyone stops and says hello to MIss Kitty who meows like Atlantis, I mean talks.
So then when we got back to the apt. I unwrapped the ornaments. It was my mother's job but she really doesn't stick with anything more than a few minutes. She had only done a few all week. I got all the little lovely chachkas out and arranged them. Helped my father with the washer and dryer (again). Then I was checking my mothers dresser and realized that I bought the wrong kind of diapers. they weren't underwear. Apparently she had a fit and my father had to put it on this morning because you ahve to use the tapes. So I ran up to the store there and they did have the right kind (at $16 thank you very much, I have to get my father to start paying me back for stuff!). Because otherwise I was going to have to buy the right ones and get them over there.
People kept stopping by and the welcoming committee was coming at 4:30 and then a woman who writes for the newsletter came by and wanted to have dinner with them to interview them and ... it is very nice but tiring. And no one can hear. So I have to translate for everyone. For some reason not having a very high voice and being loud, old people can understand me.
So that was 4 hours well spent. Not going there (hopefully) until Monday. I am going to bring the kids and we will all eat in the dining room.
So no fighting today. Things are somewhat calming down. As I was leaving I told my mother not to put her diapers in the hamper, they can't be washed and she said she didn't do that but we found one in the hamper and one used one in her dresser. Then my father says to me at the door ... see what I have to put up with, I have to watch her every minute. I said ...well what is the alternative? And what is?
And so it goes ....
He still drives at 88 but if I am in the car with him, I drive and I won't let him drive the kids anymore I guess that says it all but how do I know when he really can't/shouldn't drive at all anymore? My ex is already salivating that their car will go to Eli. What an ass. It will go to me, thank you. :)
I just think he shouldn't be dragging my mother here and there anymore. But I didn't know how to say that. He said that PT was coming for an evaluation this morning so I ran over to Glen Meadows and got there before the PT guy. I am glad I did. They did therapy in the apt. She is okayed (medicare) for PT for 30 days ... which is great! He is working on balance which is the issue. From now on though my father will have to get her to the wellness center which I think is fine because it gets them out of the apt and into the community.
Although my father says that getting her in the wheelchair to the dining room is almost more than he can handle. Maybe they should have moved into an apt which is in the same building but the only one available at the time was really small and was claustrophobic. This place with the patio is just so much nicer.
Well if he truly can't do it anymore, they will just have to pay for someone to come down and get them there and back. The beauty of this place even if they can't see it. But I do want them to take advantage of the community more than just dinner. And if it gets really bad they can move into an apt or assisted living. One day at a time, one day at a time. ....
Anyhoo, I was able to use the fact that Perring Parkway said that she needed additional therapy to bring up that I would feel better if they just stuck close to home while she is doing the PT. My father was like .. we aren't going anywhere and I said you said yesterday you were thinking about going to the VFW for lunch today. ugh.
So after PT I suggested that we go to the farmers market at the manor house (where apts and assisted living is). On Fridays a local farmer brings stuff to sell. It is great. They got corn and green tomatoes for lunch and some fruit. I got green beans that I got two weeks ago that were fab. She said they picked them on the way there so they were only a couple of hours old. yum.
Oh the people all hang out there around the farmers stand and this woman has a persian cat on a leash that sits on the basket of her walker. OMG. It is so cute. Miss Kitty. I told her she didn't try really hard on a name. She laughed. I love teasing old people. Everyone stops and says hello to MIss Kitty who meows like Atlantis, I mean talks.
So then when we got back to the apt. I unwrapped the ornaments. It was my mother's job but she really doesn't stick with anything more than a few minutes. She had only done a few all week. I got all the little lovely chachkas out and arranged them. Helped my father with the washer and dryer (again). Then I was checking my mothers dresser and realized that I bought the wrong kind of diapers. they weren't underwear. Apparently she had a fit and my father had to put it on this morning because you ahve to use the tapes. So I ran up to the store there and they did have the right kind (at $16 thank you very much, I have to get my father to start paying me back for stuff!). Because otherwise I was going to have to buy the right ones and get them over there.
People kept stopping by and the welcoming committee was coming at 4:30 and then a woman who writes for the newsletter came by and wanted to have dinner with them to interview them and ... it is very nice but tiring. And no one can hear. So I have to translate for everyone. For some reason not having a very high voice and being loud, old people can understand me.
So that was 4 hours well spent. Not going there (hopefully) until Monday. I am going to bring the kids and we will all eat in the dining room.
So no fighting today. Things are somewhat calming down. As I was leaving I told my mother not to put her diapers in the hamper, they can't be washed and she said she didn't do that but we found one in the hamper and one used one in her dresser. Then my father says to me at the door ... see what I have to put up with, I have to watch her every minute. I said ...well what is the alternative? And what is?
And so it goes ....
Great
Ovary removal, dementia linked
NEW YORK
Experts said the research needs to be confirmed by further study, but the findings suggest another issue for premenopausal women and their doctors to discuss as they consider ovary removal.
And if they decide to go ahead with surgery, they need to consider the risks and benefits of taking estrogen to age 50, said Dr. Walter Rocca, a Mayo Clinic neurologist and lead study author.
Hormone therapy has been linked to a greater risk of dementia and heart attacks when given to women after age 65. But recent research indicates that when given before menopause or just afterward, it doesn't raise heart attack risk and might protect against dementia.
The study did not include women who had ovaries removed as part of cancer treatment, and Rocca said the results do not apply to such women. The work was published yesterday in the online edition of the journal Neurology.
Ovaries produce estrogen. Rocca said the likeliest explanation of the study results is that removing ovaries causes a sudden deficiency of that hormone, which in turn affects the brain.
Hundreds of thousands of women have their ovaries removed each year in the United States. In women around age 45, approaching menopause, ovaries are often removed during hysterectomies as a precaution against developing ovarian cancer. In addition, some women at unusually high risk of developing ovarian cancer have ovaries removed without hysterectomies, as do others who have ovarian problems such as endometriosis.
Women younger than 45 often take estrogen after ovary removal because of such symptoms as hot flashes and concerns about developing osteoporosis, noted Dr. Nancy Chescheir of Vanderbilt University. But older women who have the surgery are less likely to start estrogen therapy, said Chescheir, who didn't participate in the new research.
The new study found the risk of later mental impairment was higher when the surgery was done at younger ages.
The research examined the fates of women who had one or both ovaries removed from 1950 to 1987 and compared them to other women. Interviewers spoke with either the women or somebody who knew them, asking about signs of memory impairment and any diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer's disease.
Overall, the study found impairment or dementia in 150 of 1,489 women who'd had ovaries removed, versus 98 of 1,472 women who hadn't. That indicates nearly a 50 percent increase in risk.
A second study, which included about 2,300 women who'd had the surgery and about 2,400 who hadn't, found about a 70 percent increased risk for Parkinson's disease symptoms such as tremors.
Still, that outcome was far less common than mental impairment, and experts said the evidence behind it was weaker than for mental impairment.
Monday, September 10, 2007
the move, part deux
**Please note ... I was interrupted writing this by a call from Glen Meadows ... It gets a little more interesting!
They are in! Together. As I said at lunch, aren't you glad you two can bicker all the time now? :)
I had Henry make a welcome home sign. Well he made one and in his true fashion, he rushed through it and it was crap. This from a talented artist. So I another one with him. And it looked fun. We pasted all kinds of fun crap on it. Those were the days when I could put all sorts of little doodads and a glue bottle in front of him and he would go to town. Now getting him to do anything other than electronics is painful.
I stopped at Giant and got a balloon and flowers (and vanilla icecream, the only thing my father forgot at the store so I picked it up so he didn't have to leave my mother sitting in a hot car after the doctor's visit tomorrow). Then I headed over to the apt to wait for them. I let my father get my mother from the nursing home. In my neurotic state I was worried how much he has messed up my newly organized apt but it wasn't bad. The blinds were all shut and he hadn't made the bed. Once they are settled they will get linens and towel service but it was not in place when my father moved in on Thrusday. So I made the bed with my linens, and put a crocheted bedspread that they love on it and a stuffed animal from my mother's childhood ... oh what was it ... a monkey? but both my cousins when we packed the apt remembered it ... it's name is Mort. She was so glad to see him on her bed she picked him up and hugged him. I did good.
My mom liked the apt and went right to the patio and sat down. She liked the view which is nice but as my father is wont to point out ... is it not like their balcony in their Ridge Gardens apt. Nope.
Oh, the first thing my mother wanted was a beer. At 11am. Good for her. To celebrate. She was in the nursing home for 2 months which she laughed at me when I said that ... no sense of time ... yeah it was only a few days. ugh.
So we had lunch. I offered to make it. Of course my tuna salad didn't meet muster. It wasn't how my father makes it. Welp. From now on they are on their own.
My mom and I were watching our soap opera when the independent living nurse showed up. They both had to get TB tests ... rules. My father had to go through everything we had just said to her last Friday. Gawd these people are very patient. You have to be to work with the elderly. So we were trying to figure out whether she can take a shower with her dressing and I had to call the nursing home because that wasn't clear on the discharge papers. They said she can shower with the dressing on and then change it after her shower. My father said he didn't want to do that so the nurse said she could come and do it but there would be a charge. My father asks if medicare pays for that and the nurse said no. He didn't understand that homecare it not an insurable expense but I didn't try to explain further and I should have. See later.
Oh, at lunch my father said someone had come from Homecare on Friday to talk about my mother's needs. His version was ... someone came to sell him services. My comment was ... oh that was how you saw it. His answer ... yes. He is so paranoid that everyone is trying to rip him off. Maybe that is why I am so naive and think everyone is not.
Whatever. I truly believe they just want to make sure people are safe and healthy and can stay in independent living for as long as possible. He says he is the nurse. He doesn't want to pay $21 an hour for help. He won't even let someone come in and help my mother shower. He starting screaming at me how he is the nurse, he is the nurse and I said can you say that in a normal tone and he said yes and said it again so I said fine, but if she falls it is on you.
Anyhoo, my mother seemed happy but she came out of the bathroom and into the kitchen when I was making lunch and said I have a nice apt here. I said mom, this is YOUR apt! She laughed. Then came back and said why did I think this was your apt? I said because you are a crazy old lady. She laughed again. Oy.
I did get my mother's meds straightened out and put them in the weekly pill thingie. My father was trying to do it but all he does is flit from one thing to another. He knows it. He says that is why he doesn't get anything done. Yep. Watching him today I can see why he made little progress in three days. I guess I will go do her pills every week because my father seemed overwhelmed by that.
So I helped with odds and ends and then told them I had to get back to my other family. As I was leaving my father starts saying he hopes he can do this. Take care of himself and my mother. How he has gone downhill so much recently both mentally and physically. Where was the guy a few hours earlier screaming ... he is the nurse? I know he is old and crazy. I need to remember that but it is making ME crazy how he speaks out of both sides of his mouth.
I stopped back at the grocery store to get stuff for dinner and I was telling the cashier about my day (truly, I wasn't trying to let her know that those two things of adult pullups were not mine) and she was shocked at how old my parents are to be making this move to yet another apt. And I thought, hmmm. Yeah. It is amazing but they really don't need assisted living at this point.
Oh - and I told the cashier and the woman behind me about how people at Glen Meadows kept asking me if I was moving in and how I was horrified and went home and dyed my hair. They roared.
Okay, updates.... I was lying in bed taking a rest (when did I start resting?) with my laptop writing this before I made dinner and I get a call from Glen Meadows. From someone telling me that my mother fell! wtf? I asked who she was and she said security. That it was just protocol. She seemed fine. My father just couldn't get her up. Welp. They got to use the button they push ... help I have fallen and can't get up ... their first day! I was pretty upset. I called. No answer. I was going to run over there after dinner. But I called again later and my father answered. He had gone up to get dinner for them. Instead of them eating in the dining room. You can do that. They just need to eyeball you every day unless you are out of town. Another good safety measure.
My father was nonchalant about the fall. Like he was both other times. It is like he needs to separate from any responsibility. He said she was trying to get to the bathroom and she was opening the closet that holds the washer and dryer. I can imagine it. My father is yelling at her. She gets confused and turns around too fast.
So anyway, I was thinking that maybe the walk is too far for her to the dining room with just the walker. The sidewalk is not totally flat. I told my father that he should use the wheelchair, she can hold the walker, leave the wheelcahir outside the dining room. I could tell he wasn't listening. He doens't listen. So I said it louder and he said don't yell at me (are we a pair or what?) and I said you are so stubborn. He said he wasn't stubborn. hahahahahahah.
And then he goes off about the medicare and homecare issue. He wishes they moved to the Presbyterian home. WTF? One of the reasons they didn't move there was because their nursing home doesn't participate in medicare and I thought that was too risky. If one of them had to be in there it woudl be 6700 a month!!!!!!!! Add to that this is assisted living so they only get a two room suite and no kitchen. My father would have hated that. He is nuts.
I will have to explain again today. Because after I take the kids to their dental appointments this morning, I am going to meet my parents at St. Joe's to meet with the surgeon. Hmmmmmm. And when am I working? Tomorrow I see my gyn for my 6 week checkup. You know some people don't even go back to work until 6 weeks and I have managed to pack and move my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope by this time next week I am just living a normal life working and dealing with rotten kids.
And so I hope it will go ...
They are in! Together. As I said at lunch, aren't you glad you two can bicker all the time now? :)
I had Henry make a welcome home sign. Well he made one and in his true fashion, he rushed through it and it was crap. This from a talented artist. So I another one with him. And it looked fun. We pasted all kinds of fun crap on it. Those were the days when I could put all sorts of little doodads and a glue bottle in front of him and he would go to town. Now getting him to do anything other than electronics is painful.
I stopped at Giant and got a balloon and flowers (and vanilla icecream, the only thing my father forgot at the store so I picked it up so he didn't have to leave my mother sitting in a hot car after the doctor's visit tomorrow). Then I headed over to the apt to wait for them. I let my father get my mother from the nursing home. In my neurotic state I was worried how much he has messed up my newly organized apt but it wasn't bad. The blinds were all shut and he hadn't made the bed. Once they are settled they will get linens and towel service but it was not in place when my father moved in on Thrusday. So I made the bed with my linens, and put a crocheted bedspread that they love on it and a stuffed animal from my mother's childhood ... oh what was it ... a monkey? but both my cousins when we packed the apt remembered it ... it's name is Mort. She was so glad to see him on her bed she picked him up and hugged him. I did good.
My mom liked the apt and went right to the patio and sat down. She liked the view which is nice but as my father is wont to point out ... is it not like their balcony in their Ridge Gardens apt. Nope.
Oh, the first thing my mother wanted was a beer. At 11am. Good for her. To celebrate. She was in the nursing home for 2 months which she laughed at me when I said that ... no sense of time ... yeah it was only a few days. ugh.
So we had lunch. I offered to make it. Of course my tuna salad didn't meet muster. It wasn't how my father makes it. Welp. From now on they are on their own.
My mom and I were watching our soap opera when the independent living nurse showed up. They both had to get TB tests ... rules. My father had to go through everything we had just said to her last Friday. Gawd these people are very patient. You have to be to work with the elderly. So we were trying to figure out whether she can take a shower with her dressing and I had to call the nursing home because that wasn't clear on the discharge papers. They said she can shower with the dressing on and then change it after her shower. My father said he didn't want to do that so the nurse said she could come and do it but there would be a charge. My father asks if medicare pays for that and the nurse said no. He didn't understand that homecare it not an insurable expense but I didn't try to explain further and I should have. See later.
Oh, at lunch my father said someone had come from Homecare on Friday to talk about my mother's needs. His version was ... someone came to sell him services. My comment was ... oh that was how you saw it. His answer ... yes. He is so paranoid that everyone is trying to rip him off. Maybe that is why I am so naive and think everyone is not.
Whatever. I truly believe they just want to make sure people are safe and healthy and can stay in independent living for as long as possible. He says he is the nurse. He doesn't want to pay $21 an hour for help. He won't even let someone come in and help my mother shower. He starting screaming at me how he is the nurse, he is the nurse and I said can you say that in a normal tone and he said yes and said it again so I said fine, but if she falls it is on you.
Anyhoo, my mother seemed happy but she came out of the bathroom and into the kitchen when I was making lunch and said I have a nice apt here. I said mom, this is YOUR apt! She laughed. Then came back and said why did I think this was your apt? I said because you are a crazy old lady. She laughed again. Oy.
I did get my mother's meds straightened out and put them in the weekly pill thingie. My father was trying to do it but all he does is flit from one thing to another. He knows it. He says that is why he doesn't get anything done. Yep. Watching him today I can see why he made little progress in three days. I guess I will go do her pills every week because my father seemed overwhelmed by that.
So I helped with odds and ends and then told them I had to get back to my other family. As I was leaving my father starts saying he hopes he can do this. Take care of himself and my mother. How he has gone downhill so much recently both mentally and physically. Where was the guy a few hours earlier screaming ... he is the nurse? I know he is old and crazy. I need to remember that but it is making ME crazy how he speaks out of both sides of his mouth.
I stopped back at the grocery store to get stuff for dinner and I was telling the cashier about my day (truly, I wasn't trying to let her know that those two things of adult pullups were not mine) and she was shocked at how old my parents are to be making this move to yet another apt. And I thought, hmmm. Yeah. It is amazing but they really don't need assisted living at this point.
Oh - and I told the cashier and the woman behind me about how people at Glen Meadows kept asking me if I was moving in and how I was horrified and went home and dyed my hair. They roared.
Okay, updates.... I was lying in bed taking a rest (when did I start resting?) with my laptop writing this before I made dinner and I get a call from Glen Meadows. From someone telling me that my mother fell! wtf? I asked who she was and she said security. That it was just protocol. She seemed fine. My father just couldn't get her up. Welp. They got to use the button they push ... help I have fallen and can't get up ... their first day! I was pretty upset. I called. No answer. I was going to run over there after dinner. But I called again later and my father answered. He had gone up to get dinner for them. Instead of them eating in the dining room. You can do that. They just need to eyeball you every day unless you are out of town. Another good safety measure.
My father was nonchalant about the fall. Like he was both other times. It is like he needs to separate from any responsibility. He said she was trying to get to the bathroom and she was opening the closet that holds the washer and dryer. I can imagine it. My father is yelling at her. She gets confused and turns around too fast.
So anyway, I was thinking that maybe the walk is too far for her to the dining room with just the walker. The sidewalk is not totally flat. I told my father that he should use the wheelchair, she can hold the walker, leave the wheelcahir outside the dining room. I could tell he wasn't listening. He doens't listen. So I said it louder and he said don't yell at me (are we a pair or what?) and I said you are so stubborn. He said he wasn't stubborn. hahahahahahah.
And then he goes off about the medicare and homecare issue. He wishes they moved to the Presbyterian home. WTF? One of the reasons they didn't move there was because their nursing home doesn't participate in medicare and I thought that was too risky. If one of them had to be in there it woudl be 6700 a month!!!!!!!! Add to that this is assisted living so they only get a two room suite and no kitchen. My father would have hated that. He is nuts.
I will have to explain again today. Because after I take the kids to their dental appointments this morning, I am going to meet my parents at St. Joe's to meet with the surgeon. Hmmmmmm. And when am I working? Tomorrow I see my gyn for my 6 week checkup. You know some people don't even go back to work until 6 weeks and I have managed to pack and move my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope by this time next week I am just living a normal life working and dealing with rotten kids.
And so I hope it will go ...
Saturday, September 08, 2007
competent
One good outcome of these last five months is that I am finally feeling competent again. I really lost that with the decorating debacle. Not only did I hate it but I wasn't good at it. Yeah I have good taste and I know how to make a space comfortable but there were so many details and so much bullshit. This really is the first major thing I have failed at in my life (well unless you count what was supposed to be a lifetime relationship.)
Anyhoo, dealing with my mother's problems and then my father falling apart and then orchestrating getting them into Glen Meadows, packing and then moving ... I think I did pretty good.
Now I need to transfer this feeling of competence to actually working for a living and oh yeah, making money at that. hah.
And so it goes ...
Anyhoo, dealing with my mother's problems and then my father falling apart and then orchestrating getting them into Glen Meadows, packing and then moving ... I think I did pretty good.
Now I need to transfer this feeling of competence to actually working for a living and oh yeah, making money at that. hah.
And so it goes ...
Friday, September 07, 2007
tired
Okay. I am finally really tired.
Eli has to leave at 6:30 for his first marching band parade. Luckily he is getting picked up. But I just sewed a button on his uniform and got it all together. He is so cranky. I want to smack him.
And Henry is not much better. I guess it is the heat and back to school stuff but they are both on my shit lists. And quite frankly I have used up all my good cheer trying to keep my father's spirits up.
I feel really good down there though. I think I am healing really well. I am on this listserve called hystersisters and you can sign up to be on a list with chicks who had a hysto the same week as you. Some are really having trouble. Infections. Incision opening.
I was worried about my gyn waiting so long after all my bleeding but she did a really good job on the surgery. And I am grateful about that.
See her next week and we'll see how things are going.
I have numbness on my tummy and inner thighs but that is getting better so all in all. I did great. Thank the ... energy that connects us all.
And so it goes.
Eli has to leave at 6:30 for his first marching band parade. Luckily he is getting picked up. But I just sewed a button on his uniform and got it all together. He is so cranky. I want to smack him.
And Henry is not much better. I guess it is the heat and back to school stuff but they are both on my shit lists. And quite frankly I have used up all my good cheer trying to keep my father's spirits up.
I feel really good down there though. I think I am healing really well. I am on this listserve called hystersisters and you can sign up to be on a list with chicks who had a hysto the same week as you. Some are really having trouble. Infections. Incision opening.
I was worried about my gyn waiting so long after all my bleeding but she did a really good job on the surgery. And I am grateful about that.
See her next week and we'll see how things are going.
I have numbness on my tummy and inner thighs but that is getting better so all in all. I did great. Thank the ... energy that connects us all.
And so it goes.
the move
We did it! I got my father moved into Glen Meadows yesterday! And I lived to tell about it. Well, for the most part.
The movers were supposed to come between 8:30 and 9. Then when they confirmed it was 8-8:30.
So I leave here at 7:30 and stop for a coffee. I get a call from the movers that they are there and what is the apt number? I said ... wait. I will be there in 10 minutes. Then my father calls all fussed up that they are there and for me to get there now. Great start to what was already going to be a stressful day.
When I left the day before after a few hours of final packing, my father still had lots to do. When he called me later in the night he said he was just too tired and hadn't gotten much done. I said don't do anymore. I didn't realize he hadn't done anything!
So we are packing and the place is a mess as the two dudes ... one Russian and one Ukrainian ... start taking all the stuff out. Nice guys. I freaked them out when I said dosvedanya (sp). I told them I had a friend who was a spy. (you know who you are sister).
They were amazingly patient with my father and that stupid bed they have. Actually twin beds that are motorized to raise the feet or the head which they never use. My father was so tired because he hadn't slept the night before or much at all lately. He kept bothering them when they were doing their job trying to take it apart.
I finally told him ... if you keep this up, I am walking. You need to calm down.
It only took two hours to load the truck but I was up and down the stairs taking stuff to my car that I should take like plants, etc. My father was spinning in place so I had to keep redirecting him. Yep, it was tiring.
I got them to put the computer in my car. My father is adamant that my mother needs it because all she does is solitaire. (this is ALL it is used for.) Well there is NO room. I bought a small little solitaire game but she doesn't want it. I am going to look for a cheap, used laptop. (look for next blog about my contemplating letting Missy borrow my parents computer from me (read have) so the kids can at least have a computer for homework. It won't do the gaming they like but so what. She has no money, says she, but the last few years of them always coming here to do their homework ... is old. She will have to agree to finally buy ink. For the last five years she has pled poverty and the kids either need to come here to print out things or take them to school on a flashdrive.)
Anyhoo. We got out there and started unloading. It went pretty well but I did have them do a lot of putting stuff in the right place, moving furniture, etc. I think I will use this ... just had surgery excuse for quite a while!
Glen Meadows had lunch sent down. Nasty ham sandwiches on white bread and they sent enough for the movers which was nice. I sent them on their way with lunches and a $20 tip each. Was that enough? We paid $80 an hour plus mileage but I know they didn't get much of that.
As my father and I had our lunch with a beer (that I brought thank you very much), the main man who does everthing around there stopped by. Really nice guy. Parkville guy. Graduated 10 years before me. He even stopped by again today. He explained the security system. They have two necklaces and one in the bathroom and one in the bedroom. Think .... I have fallen and I can't get up but it is a system just for Glen Meadows. Cool huh?
So as I was working in the kitchen and my father says ... did you see the lazy susan ... and I said kidding ... I thought you were calling me lazy susan. He said ... not today. Nice. ugh.
We did fight about some furniture placement and what he wanted to do and what I was going to do. But it could have been worse. I did tell him twice that he needed to talk nice to me even if we disagreed. He does stop and I am glad I am able to keep my cool and just set limits as to how I will be treated. I tell you if I truly was having hormonal issues due to my instant menopause, this would have triggered it. I haven't even had a lot of hot flashes. Yeah, I was a sweaty mess but it was normal, baltimore, humid, misery. I could feel some pulling on the internal stitches but not anything too bad.
So the worst was how negative he was. He complained about everything. The only thing he likes is the kitchen. He kept saying how homesick he was. He didn't like the bathroom. He doesn't like this or that. Ugh. They should have just gotten rid of everything and moved into assisted living. Yeah right. That would make him happy. It is so pathetic.
I told him how I think they have one of the best units placement-wise. And how you could see the horses up on the hill from the window. He said ... well you can't from the patio. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
And he kept complaining how the move was so fast he didn't know what was left, what was going on. I told him, no, you weren't ready. Oh, he hadn't done his dresser or his medicine cabinet or most of his clothes when the movers got there. But he refused to let any of us help him with that when we packed up the apt. on Sunday.
I called Michael and told him he really should be there. To see his future if he doesn't start living more simply. It so confirms how I am just constantly getting rid of crap. And the thing is when my stuff is disorganized, I don't realize I have something and go out and buy another. How wasteful is that?
My father just dumped everything into boxes and suitcases. He wouldn't get rid of anything. At least I was able to purge the kitchen crap and my mothers crap. So when the time comes it will only be his stuff to I have to ... throw away.
I swear he has at least three times the clothes my mother has. My cousin tried to get him to give up something but the only thing was a polyester white and blue suit. He asked her if she thought Eli would want it. hahahahahahaha.
Oh the other thing is how he doesn't like having to get dressed for dinner every night. Look, while you need a half mil in assets to get in here, most of the people are like my parents. WW 2 generation. Worked hard. Have social security and pensions (what is that?) But not fancy like so me of these communities. Well, he will have the clothes! They all seem to wear polyester.
As I was putting away dishes I had to wash most of them. Ugh. So disgusting. The coffee cups were so nasty. I finally had to call my father over and say ... I would like to introduce you to my friend ... Mr. Brillo pad. He had no idea. Then he loved it so much he went around brillo padding everything like the telephone. oy. As much has he had learned to do, it is amazing how little men of that generation know about the homearts.
He also told me he never changed the sheets the whole time mom has been gone which is months ... including him telling me he peed in the bed. ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
So I threw away all the sheets because they will have linen and towel service (and housekeeping! My father was telling me to get up drops of water on the kitchen floor. I said ... you don't ever have to wash that floor again! ... oh silly me looking on the bright side of things.)
Of course they were supposed to deliver linens and didn't and I called and they didn't have any more king but we made do until we can get some since my mother won't be there until Monday.
They also didn't bring dinner. They bring dinner to you the first night because you are tired. So am hanging around waiting for dinner (figure it will be early ... it starts at 4:30 and about 4:15 I started seeing the walker parade heading up there). I am a bit nervous because I have been gone all day and wondering what the hell the dogs have done but I also want to eat dinner with my father. So I called and they didn't know anything about it but they told us the menu items and we ordered it and they brought it pretty quickly. I got liver and onions because I haven't had that in years and my father got beef stroganoff and both were ... delicious! And the soup was baked potato soup and that was really, really good too.
They can get breakfast and lunch and pay for it but dinner comes with it and for all my father's bitching it will be good for them to get out at least once a day and socialize and hell. The food was good!
So this morning I went to target and got a few more things like a lampshade to replace the dryrot one. Amazing how everything looks dingy in a new and newly painted space. And pillows!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. I don't think they have had new pillows in 30 years or more. My father agreed they were disgusting.
I actually love this stuff ... making a home. I haven't been this happy since I did our late lamented beach house. It inspires to clean my pigsty that I have let go for a myriad of reasons.
Oh did I mention that the table and two chairs I got them at Salvation Army matches exactly two chairs they already have! I am good.
One thing is the people here are very friendly. You can't just say hello, gotta have a little conversation. But I just have to say IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS TO ME ... OH YOU ARE MOVING IN .. .WHEN I AM TAKING STUFF OUT, ETC. I AM GONNA SCREAM. I KNOW. I LOOK LIKE CRAP. MY HAIR IS A MESS AND I HAVE ROOTS. BUT DO I LOOK 65???????????????????
So it is done. Well, we gotta move my mother in Monday and then she has an appt with the surgeon on Tues. And then I can step back a bit and let them figure things out.
And ... just one more thing ... you know all the money they have given me over the years? Well I just fucking earned it in the last 5 almost 6 months. And I am damn proud of myself. So there.
And so it goes.
The movers were supposed to come between 8:30 and 9. Then when they confirmed it was 8-8:30.
So I leave here at 7:30 and stop for a coffee. I get a call from the movers that they are there and what is the apt number? I said ... wait. I will be there in 10 minutes. Then my father calls all fussed up that they are there and for me to get there now. Great start to what was already going to be a stressful day.
When I left the day before after a few hours of final packing, my father still had lots to do. When he called me later in the night he said he was just too tired and hadn't gotten much done. I said don't do anymore. I didn't realize he hadn't done anything!
So we are packing and the place is a mess as the two dudes ... one Russian and one Ukrainian ... start taking all the stuff out. Nice guys. I freaked them out when I said dosvedanya (sp). I told them I had a friend who was a spy. (you know who you are sister).
They were amazingly patient with my father and that stupid bed they have. Actually twin beds that are motorized to raise the feet or the head which they never use. My father was so tired because he hadn't slept the night before or much at all lately. He kept bothering them when they were doing their job trying to take it apart.
I finally told him ... if you keep this up, I am walking. You need to calm down.
It only took two hours to load the truck but I was up and down the stairs taking stuff to my car that I should take like plants, etc. My father was spinning in place so I had to keep redirecting him. Yep, it was tiring.
I got them to put the computer in my car. My father is adamant that my mother needs it because all she does is solitaire. (this is ALL it is used for.) Well there is NO room. I bought a small little solitaire game but she doesn't want it. I am going to look for a cheap, used laptop. (look for next blog about my contemplating letting Missy borrow my parents computer from me (read have) so the kids can at least have a computer for homework. It won't do the gaming they like but so what. She has no money, says she, but the last few years of them always coming here to do their homework ... is old. She will have to agree to finally buy ink. For the last five years she has pled poverty and the kids either need to come here to print out things or take them to school on a flashdrive.)
Anyhoo. We got out there and started unloading. It went pretty well but I did have them do a lot of putting stuff in the right place, moving furniture, etc. I think I will use this ... just had surgery excuse for quite a while!
Glen Meadows had lunch sent down. Nasty ham sandwiches on white bread and they sent enough for the movers which was nice. I sent them on their way with lunches and a $20 tip each. Was that enough? We paid $80 an hour plus mileage but I know they didn't get much of that.
As my father and I had our lunch with a beer (that I brought thank you very much), the main man who does everthing around there stopped by. Really nice guy. Parkville guy. Graduated 10 years before me. He even stopped by again today. He explained the security system. They have two necklaces and one in the bathroom and one in the bedroom. Think .... I have fallen and I can't get up but it is a system just for Glen Meadows. Cool huh?
So as I was working in the kitchen and my father says ... did you see the lazy susan ... and I said kidding ... I thought you were calling me lazy susan. He said ... not today. Nice. ugh.
We did fight about some furniture placement and what he wanted to do and what I was going to do. But it could have been worse. I did tell him twice that he needed to talk nice to me even if we disagreed. He does stop and I am glad I am able to keep my cool and just set limits as to how I will be treated. I tell you if I truly was having hormonal issues due to my instant menopause, this would have triggered it. I haven't even had a lot of hot flashes. Yeah, I was a sweaty mess but it was normal, baltimore, humid, misery. I could feel some pulling on the internal stitches but not anything too bad.
So the worst was how negative he was. He complained about everything. The only thing he likes is the kitchen. He kept saying how homesick he was. He didn't like the bathroom. He doesn't like this or that. Ugh. They should have just gotten rid of everything and moved into assisted living. Yeah right. That would make him happy. It is so pathetic.
I told him how I think they have one of the best units placement-wise. And how you could see the horses up on the hill from the window. He said ... well you can't from the patio. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
And he kept complaining how the move was so fast he didn't know what was left, what was going on. I told him, no, you weren't ready. Oh, he hadn't done his dresser or his medicine cabinet or most of his clothes when the movers got there. But he refused to let any of us help him with that when we packed up the apt. on Sunday.
I called Michael and told him he really should be there. To see his future if he doesn't start living more simply. It so confirms how I am just constantly getting rid of crap. And the thing is when my stuff is disorganized, I don't realize I have something and go out and buy another. How wasteful is that?
My father just dumped everything into boxes and suitcases. He wouldn't get rid of anything. At least I was able to purge the kitchen crap and my mothers crap. So when the time comes it will only be his stuff to I have to ... throw away.
I swear he has at least three times the clothes my mother has. My cousin tried to get him to give up something but the only thing was a polyester white and blue suit. He asked her if she thought Eli would want it. hahahahahahaha.
Oh the other thing is how he doesn't like having to get dressed for dinner every night. Look, while you need a half mil in assets to get in here, most of the people are like my parents. WW 2 generation. Worked hard. Have social security and pensions (what is that?) But not fancy like so me of these communities. Well, he will have the clothes! They all seem to wear polyester.
As I was putting away dishes I had to wash most of them. Ugh. So disgusting. The coffee cups were so nasty. I finally had to call my father over and say ... I would like to introduce you to my friend ... Mr. Brillo pad. He had no idea. Then he loved it so much he went around brillo padding everything like the telephone. oy. As much has he had learned to do, it is amazing how little men of that generation know about the homearts.
He also told me he never changed the sheets the whole time mom has been gone which is months ... including him telling me he peed in the bed. ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
So I threw away all the sheets because they will have linen and towel service (and housekeeping! My father was telling me to get up drops of water on the kitchen floor. I said ... you don't ever have to wash that floor again! ... oh silly me looking on the bright side of things.)
Of course they were supposed to deliver linens and didn't and I called and they didn't have any more king but we made do until we can get some since my mother won't be there until Monday.
They also didn't bring dinner. They bring dinner to you the first night because you are tired. So am hanging around waiting for dinner (figure it will be early ... it starts at 4:30 and about 4:15 I started seeing the walker parade heading up there). I am a bit nervous because I have been gone all day and wondering what the hell the dogs have done but I also want to eat dinner with my father. So I called and they didn't know anything about it but they told us the menu items and we ordered it and they brought it pretty quickly. I got liver and onions because I haven't had that in years and my father got beef stroganoff and both were ... delicious! And the soup was baked potato soup and that was really, really good too.
They can get breakfast and lunch and pay for it but dinner comes with it and for all my father's bitching it will be good for them to get out at least once a day and socialize and hell. The food was good!
So this morning I went to target and got a few more things like a lampshade to replace the dryrot one. Amazing how everything looks dingy in a new and newly painted space. And pillows!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. I don't think they have had new pillows in 30 years or more. My father agreed they were disgusting.
I actually love this stuff ... making a home. I haven't been this happy since I did our late lamented beach house. It inspires to clean my pigsty that I have let go for a myriad of reasons.
Oh did I mention that the table and two chairs I got them at Salvation Army matches exactly two chairs they already have! I am good.
One thing is the people here are very friendly. You can't just say hello, gotta have a little conversation. But I just have to say IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS TO ME ... OH YOU ARE MOVING IN .. .WHEN I AM TAKING STUFF OUT, ETC. I AM GONNA SCREAM. I KNOW. I LOOK LIKE CRAP. MY HAIR IS A MESS AND I HAVE ROOTS. BUT DO I LOOK 65???????????????????
So it is done. Well, we gotta move my mother in Monday and then she has an appt with the surgeon on Tues. And then I can step back a bit and let them figure things out.
And ... just one more thing ... you know all the money they have given me over the years? Well I just fucking earned it in the last 5 almost 6 months. And I am damn proud of myself. So there.
And so it goes.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
packing
Oy vey. I can't remember being this tired in a long time. I guess it is normal ... hell I am only at 5 weeks since my surgery but I really don't like how my energy level ebbs and flows. I was probably more tired because I did some weeding last night. I just couldnt' stand it anymore. And then I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep until 6 and then woke up late and ...
So my cousins Kathy and Dorothy met me at my parents apartment this morning. I tell ya. One of the blessings of all this is my getting closer to my cousins and also my parents in a way. I haven't really seen my mother much at all since my surgery. Something had to give and my father refuses to share the daily visits with me so if he goes, I figure I don't have to. But the time I had with her when she was here those three weeks while she was recuperating were really special. We had lots of time to talk.
And in a way I have healed some crap with my father. Well, heal isn't the right word. I think it is working on my vulnerability. Just not taking stuff. And I think he is seeing me in a new light. At least I hope so.
Last night we had a big fight on the phone. I don't know what set it off. But I confronted him about the articles he sent me especially on the gastric bypass. I think I got through that while he thinks he is being helpful, he really needs to understand how stuff like that hurts my feelings. And he has to own that. He apologized. And I said that is all I need to hear.
He tried to go back and bring up old wounds and problems and I said, we need to be in the present. We need to stay on what is happening now. When we were in the throws of the fight, I did say that I could walk away right now so he needs to be respectful to me. I don't really care that some people think I need to swallow everything. I did it for years. I need to say what I need to say even if it doesn't change a damn thing.
And quite frankly he is teachable and I should have been more forthright long ago. I told him a while ago how he needed to be more greatful for what I was doing when my mother was here. Like when I made him lunch and instead of thanking me he would point out I had given him too much. He fought me hard on that ... saying all he had done for me. But I think he got it because he has said thank you ever since then. And yes, words and sentiments do matter.
Anyhoo, things were all fine today (they always are. he pretends nothing happened but then will bring it up at a later date but like I said, I will not play into that anymore.)
I had told my father I was in charge, to be as pleasant as possible and just let us do what we had to do and for the most part that happened. I had to shoo him away a few times but he was compliant.
My cousins and I actually had a lot of laughs. See my cousins are all at least 15 years older than me. My parents were married for 13 years before they adopted me and I hadn't realized how much they had had my cousins come for sleepovers or whatever. My uncle had/has mental illness so they would help out a lot. They remember lots of their stuff so it is neat they they get to help with this stuff.
Every year they do a human flag down at Ft. McHenry with school children. My grandmother was in it in like 191o or something. My father has the photograph. So he gave that to my cousin Kathy. And there is another family picture that I want my cousin Dorothy to take. There isn't much but I feel fine with sharing these things. Since they are older they all remember more of my grandmother and grandfather and it is right they have it.
We have bags and bags and bags of trash. Stuff in hte medicine chest that expired in 2002. Lots of pots and pans. Since they will get dinner, they really won't be cooking much.
I feel like there is more to do but we got the majority of it done and I am so glad. Now my father just needs to do his desk and papers and clothes. I can't believe how many clothes he has. And he woudl not give up one thing except a polyester white with blue pinstripe jacket and white polyester pants. He asked Dorothy if she thought my boys would want it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I surely by osmosis inherited a lot of their craziness but am so glad it was not being a packrat. I just can't stand having lots of stuff, useless things and doo dads and ornaments. Even with all I got rid of, they still have so much so hopefully they have enough.
I was nervous when we decrapped the house and I am nervous now about what we threw away. Well, so what. If they need something we can buy it.
Dorothy volunteers with a store like goodwill so she took a whole lot of stuff. that made me happy. I took a lot too goodwill myself.
I just hope my father doesnt' start poking through boxes and bags and leaves it well enough alone. We packed all the dishes and left him paper plates, etc. He needs to focus on what he needs to do which is a lot.
Hell, he said he was going to take a load of stuff out to Glen Meadows today (and I told him no) after visiting my mother which was after going to Home Depot and then getting our lunch. I don't know where he gets his energy from. All he does is complain how he has none but right now this 88 year old has more than me. I have been in bed with my laptop/tv since I got home. I need to be horizontal because the stitches in my abdomen are groaning.
Anyhoo, if you got this far ... I feel like we are going to make it. I just need to sell a few things and get some charity to pick up the rest of the big crap. After this ... I hope things will be smooth for a while.
And so it goes.
So my cousins Kathy and Dorothy met me at my parents apartment this morning. I tell ya. One of the blessings of all this is my getting closer to my cousins and also my parents in a way. I haven't really seen my mother much at all since my surgery. Something had to give and my father refuses to share the daily visits with me so if he goes, I figure I don't have to. But the time I had with her when she was here those three weeks while she was recuperating were really special. We had lots of time to talk.
And in a way I have healed some crap with my father. Well, heal isn't the right word. I think it is working on my vulnerability. Just not taking stuff. And I think he is seeing me in a new light. At least I hope so.
Last night we had a big fight on the phone. I don't know what set it off. But I confronted him about the articles he sent me especially on the gastric bypass. I think I got through that while he thinks he is being helpful, he really needs to understand how stuff like that hurts my feelings. And he has to own that. He apologized. And I said that is all I need to hear.
He tried to go back and bring up old wounds and problems and I said, we need to be in the present. We need to stay on what is happening now. When we were in the throws of the fight, I did say that I could walk away right now so he needs to be respectful to me. I don't really care that some people think I need to swallow everything. I did it for years. I need to say what I need to say even if it doesn't change a damn thing.
And quite frankly he is teachable and I should have been more forthright long ago. I told him a while ago how he needed to be more greatful for what I was doing when my mother was here. Like when I made him lunch and instead of thanking me he would point out I had given him too much. He fought me hard on that ... saying all he had done for me. But I think he got it because he has said thank you ever since then. And yes, words and sentiments do matter.
Anyhoo, things were all fine today (they always are. he pretends nothing happened but then will bring it up at a later date but like I said, I will not play into that anymore.)
I had told my father I was in charge, to be as pleasant as possible and just let us do what we had to do and for the most part that happened. I had to shoo him away a few times but he was compliant.
My cousins and I actually had a lot of laughs. See my cousins are all at least 15 years older than me. My parents were married for 13 years before they adopted me and I hadn't realized how much they had had my cousins come for sleepovers or whatever. My uncle had/has mental illness so they would help out a lot. They remember lots of their stuff so it is neat they they get to help with this stuff.
Every year they do a human flag down at Ft. McHenry with school children. My grandmother was in it in like 191o or something. My father has the photograph. So he gave that to my cousin Kathy. And there is another family picture that I want my cousin Dorothy to take. There isn't much but I feel fine with sharing these things. Since they are older they all remember more of my grandmother and grandfather and it is right they have it.
We have bags and bags and bags of trash. Stuff in hte medicine chest that expired in 2002. Lots of pots and pans. Since they will get dinner, they really won't be cooking much.
I feel like there is more to do but we got the majority of it done and I am so glad. Now my father just needs to do his desk and papers and clothes. I can't believe how many clothes he has. And he woudl not give up one thing except a polyester white with blue pinstripe jacket and white polyester pants. He asked Dorothy if she thought my boys would want it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I surely by osmosis inherited a lot of their craziness but am so glad it was not being a packrat. I just can't stand having lots of stuff, useless things and doo dads and ornaments. Even with all I got rid of, they still have so much so hopefully they have enough.
I was nervous when we decrapped the house and I am nervous now about what we threw away. Well, so what. If they need something we can buy it.
Dorothy volunteers with a store like goodwill so she took a whole lot of stuff. that made me happy. I took a lot too goodwill myself.
I just hope my father doesnt' start poking through boxes and bags and leaves it well enough alone. We packed all the dishes and left him paper plates, etc. He needs to focus on what he needs to do which is a lot.
Hell, he said he was going to take a load of stuff out to Glen Meadows today (and I told him no) after visiting my mother which was after going to Home Depot and then getting our lunch. I don't know where he gets his energy from. All he does is complain how he has none but right now this 88 year old has more than me. I have been in bed with my laptop/tv since I got home. I need to be horizontal because the stitches in my abdomen are groaning.
Anyhoo, if you got this far ... I feel like we are going to make it. I just need to sell a few things and get some charity to pick up the rest of the big crap. After this ... I hope things will be smooth for a while.
And so it goes.
