Sunday, September 02, 2007
packing
Oy vey. I can't remember being this tired in a long time. I guess it is normal ... hell I am only at 5 weeks since my surgery but I really don't like how my energy level ebbs and flows. I was probably more tired because I did some weeding last night. I just couldnt' stand it anymore. And then I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep until 6 and then woke up late and ...
So my cousins Kathy and Dorothy met me at my parents apartment this morning. I tell ya. One of the blessings of all this is my getting closer to my cousins and also my parents in a way. I haven't really seen my mother much at all since my surgery. Something had to give and my father refuses to share the daily visits with me so if he goes, I figure I don't have to. But the time I had with her when she was here those three weeks while she was recuperating were really special. We had lots of time to talk.
And in a way I have healed some crap with my father. Well, heal isn't the right word. I think it is working on my vulnerability. Just not taking stuff. And I think he is seeing me in a new light. At least I hope so.
Last night we had a big fight on the phone. I don't know what set it off. But I confronted him about the articles he sent me especially on the gastric bypass. I think I got through that while he thinks he is being helpful, he really needs to understand how stuff like that hurts my feelings. And he has to own that. He apologized. And I said that is all I need to hear.
He tried to go back and bring up old wounds and problems and I said, we need to be in the present. We need to stay on what is happening now. When we were in the throws of the fight, I did say that I could walk away right now so he needs to be respectful to me. I don't really care that some people think I need to swallow everything. I did it for years. I need to say what I need to say even if it doesn't change a damn thing.
And quite frankly he is teachable and I should have been more forthright long ago. I told him a while ago how he needed to be more greatful for what I was doing when my mother was here. Like when I made him lunch and instead of thanking me he would point out I had given him too much. He fought me hard on that ... saying all he had done for me. But I think he got it because he has said thank you ever since then. And yes, words and sentiments do matter.
Anyhoo, things were all fine today (they always are. he pretends nothing happened but then will bring it up at a later date but like I said, I will not play into that anymore.)
I had told my father I was in charge, to be as pleasant as possible and just let us do what we had to do and for the most part that happened. I had to shoo him away a few times but he was compliant.
My cousins and I actually had a lot of laughs. See my cousins are all at least 15 years older than me. My parents were married for 13 years before they adopted me and I hadn't realized how much they had had my cousins come for sleepovers or whatever. My uncle had/has mental illness so they would help out a lot. They remember lots of their stuff so it is neat they they get to help with this stuff.
Every year they do a human flag down at Ft. McHenry with school children. My grandmother was in it in like 191o or something. My father has the photograph. So he gave that to my cousin Kathy. And there is another family picture that I want my cousin Dorothy to take. There isn't much but I feel fine with sharing these things. Since they are older they all remember more of my grandmother and grandfather and it is right they have it.
We have bags and bags and bags of trash. Stuff in hte medicine chest that expired in 2002. Lots of pots and pans. Since they will get dinner, they really won't be cooking much.
I feel like there is more to do but we got the majority of it done and I am so glad. Now my father just needs to do his desk and papers and clothes. I can't believe how many clothes he has. And he woudl not give up one thing except a polyester white with blue pinstripe jacket and white polyester pants. He asked Dorothy if she thought my boys would want it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I surely by osmosis inherited a lot of their craziness but am so glad it was not being a packrat. I just can't stand having lots of stuff, useless things and doo dads and ornaments. Even with all I got rid of, they still have so much so hopefully they have enough.
I was nervous when we decrapped the house and I am nervous now about what we threw away. Well, so what. If they need something we can buy it.
Dorothy volunteers with a store like goodwill so she took a whole lot of stuff. that made me happy. I took a lot too goodwill myself.
I just hope my father doesnt' start poking through boxes and bags and leaves it well enough alone. We packed all the dishes and left him paper plates, etc. He needs to focus on what he needs to do which is a lot.
Hell, he said he was going to take a load of stuff out to Glen Meadows today (and I told him no) after visiting my mother which was after going to Home Depot and then getting our lunch. I don't know where he gets his energy from. All he does is complain how he has none but right now this 88 year old has more than me. I have been in bed with my laptop/tv since I got home. I need to be horizontal because the stitches in my abdomen are groaning.
Anyhoo, if you got this far ... I feel like we are going to make it. I just need to sell a few things and get some charity to pick up the rest of the big crap. After this ... I hope things will be smooth for a while.
And so it goes.
So my cousins Kathy and Dorothy met me at my parents apartment this morning. I tell ya. One of the blessings of all this is my getting closer to my cousins and also my parents in a way. I haven't really seen my mother much at all since my surgery. Something had to give and my father refuses to share the daily visits with me so if he goes, I figure I don't have to. But the time I had with her when she was here those three weeks while she was recuperating were really special. We had lots of time to talk.
And in a way I have healed some crap with my father. Well, heal isn't the right word. I think it is working on my vulnerability. Just not taking stuff. And I think he is seeing me in a new light. At least I hope so.
Last night we had a big fight on the phone. I don't know what set it off. But I confronted him about the articles he sent me especially on the gastric bypass. I think I got through that while he thinks he is being helpful, he really needs to understand how stuff like that hurts my feelings. And he has to own that. He apologized. And I said that is all I need to hear.
He tried to go back and bring up old wounds and problems and I said, we need to be in the present. We need to stay on what is happening now. When we were in the throws of the fight, I did say that I could walk away right now so he needs to be respectful to me. I don't really care that some people think I need to swallow everything. I did it for years. I need to say what I need to say even if it doesn't change a damn thing.
And quite frankly he is teachable and I should have been more forthright long ago. I told him a while ago how he needed to be more greatful for what I was doing when my mother was here. Like when I made him lunch and instead of thanking me he would point out I had given him too much. He fought me hard on that ... saying all he had done for me. But I think he got it because he has said thank you ever since then. And yes, words and sentiments do matter.
Anyhoo, things were all fine today (they always are. he pretends nothing happened but then will bring it up at a later date but like I said, I will not play into that anymore.)
I had told my father I was in charge, to be as pleasant as possible and just let us do what we had to do and for the most part that happened. I had to shoo him away a few times but he was compliant.
My cousins and I actually had a lot of laughs. See my cousins are all at least 15 years older than me. My parents were married for 13 years before they adopted me and I hadn't realized how much they had had my cousins come for sleepovers or whatever. My uncle had/has mental illness so they would help out a lot. They remember lots of their stuff so it is neat they they get to help with this stuff.
Every year they do a human flag down at Ft. McHenry with school children. My grandmother was in it in like 191o or something. My father has the photograph. So he gave that to my cousin Kathy. And there is another family picture that I want my cousin Dorothy to take. There isn't much but I feel fine with sharing these things. Since they are older they all remember more of my grandmother and grandfather and it is right they have it.
We have bags and bags and bags of trash. Stuff in hte medicine chest that expired in 2002. Lots of pots and pans. Since they will get dinner, they really won't be cooking much.
I feel like there is more to do but we got the majority of it done and I am so glad. Now my father just needs to do his desk and papers and clothes. I can't believe how many clothes he has. And he woudl not give up one thing except a polyester white with blue pinstripe jacket and white polyester pants. He asked Dorothy if she thought my boys would want it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I surely by osmosis inherited a lot of their craziness but am so glad it was not being a packrat. I just can't stand having lots of stuff, useless things and doo dads and ornaments. Even with all I got rid of, they still have so much so hopefully they have enough.
I was nervous when we decrapped the house and I am nervous now about what we threw away. Well, so what. If they need something we can buy it.
Dorothy volunteers with a store like goodwill so she took a whole lot of stuff. that made me happy. I took a lot too goodwill myself.
I just hope my father doesnt' start poking through boxes and bags and leaves it well enough alone. We packed all the dishes and left him paper plates, etc. He needs to focus on what he needs to do which is a lot.
Hell, he said he was going to take a load of stuff out to Glen Meadows today (and I told him no) after visiting my mother which was after going to Home Depot and then getting our lunch. I don't know where he gets his energy from. All he does is complain how he has none but right now this 88 year old has more than me. I have been in bed with my laptop/tv since I got home. I need to be horizontal because the stitches in my abdomen are groaning.
Anyhoo, if you got this far ... I feel like we are going to make it. I just need to sell a few things and get some charity to pick up the rest of the big crap. After this ... I hope things will be smooth for a while.
And so it goes.
