Tuesday, July 17, 2007
a quick update
Today will be fun. First I am meeting my father at Glen Meadows, a CCRC ( continuing care retirement community a/k/a ... they take all your money but they promise to take care of you until you die.) Yesterday we were all set to put down a deposit at the Presbyterian Home of Towson. Until my father noted and then I confirmed that they don't participate in medicare. WTF?
So if you go into the what they call the health care center you have to private pay. To the tune of 6,700 a month! Who knows how long one or both of my parents might end up needing nursing home care. And the other one will be paying $6,000 a month! That is crazy. My parents paid in to medicare and have good insurance on top of that and deserve to use that.
After doing some thinking and talking to Troy, I decided this was too much of a risk. So I called Glen Meadows and the admissions director was really nice. Since they have had a deposit there for so long they are at the top of the list to get whatever is available. The entrance fee is considerably higher than the Presbyterian home but the rent is not and they do have a licensed nursing home that takes medicare.
Plus my father will get his god damn kitchen. Which actually I totally understand. They get one evening meal, can pay for more if they want but are able to do breakfast and lunch in their apt. They do have patio homes and that is what they really would like but then they have to go outside to get to the dining hall so as my father said ... he will just have to lower his standards and go into an apt. Yes, they are in apt now but they have a beloved balcony.
I felt better that they said they would accept her in a wheelchair which is a big change from when these CCRC's first started. I guess they realized that people are coming in older and in worse shape and needed to accommodate them. Also as long as my father is able to do the stuff like get her her medicine and stuff, they can be together. So that all sounds good.
It is still too bad that they didn't move sooner or that if my father wasn't such a bastard sometimes that they could move in here and we could just get help.
Anyhoo, I played hardball after he said we coudl go and look at the apartments. I told him that we are done looking and I need to know that you are willing to sign a contract tomorrow. He said yes.
On top of this my mother is getting discharged from St. Joe's today. I tried to get her in to the nursing home at Glen Meadows which would be ideal but since they are not under contract yet, they won't take her. Plus they aren't able to use the wound vac that they have in her leg draining and healing from the surgery.
So after Glen Meadows we have to move my mom to Perring Parkway nursing home. They won't give you an exact time because they have to wait until the surgeon signs the paperwork but once he does they they want you OUT! While my father as usual thinks we coudl do it ourselves, the social worker suggested a wheelchair van would be better because she wouldn't have to get in and out of a car. He agreed but feels we need to be there so she doesn't freak out like she did when she refused the surgery and the surgeon had to call my father from the operating room.
I called the social worker and said, no we can't do 4PM, get the wheelchair van for 5 because I need to get Glen Meadows straightened out and my father is just so slow about everything I don't want to have to go back tomorrow. Fuck them.
Speaking of nuts my father is really losing it too. He called me yesterday thinking that she was no longer on the wound vac and since she can lift her legs all of three inches in her lounge chair, we could get her home. WTF? Um, no. How is he going to get her in and out of bed? I said no and btw, she is still on the wound vac. They just take her off it for a couple of hours every day. Poor guy but he is really getting on my nerves with the stupid stuff he keeps saying.
Oh, and on top of that their food disposal broke and flooded the kitchen and he had to deal with that and found 6 pairs of my mothers dirty underwear hidden way in the back under the sink. Dementia just sucks.
Anyhoo, I don't know if I was fighting getting sick yesterday, (well I was, I felt pretty bad and took lots of echinecea) or just emotionally exhausted but I got little done and even took a nap which I never do. I feel lots better today so maybe that was good to build up my energy to deal with today.
My concern is that she will be discharged from the nursing home after rehab and then where will she go? I am thinking assisted living at Glen Meadows because by then we should have all the paperwork done.
But I am not going to be able to help my father pack up the house until at least August. My cousin called last night and she said she and her two sisters could help. God help them. But quite frankly my father has helped all of them out financially over the years so it would be good karma for them to help.
My father already was lamenting this morning about all the slides and photo albums that he needs to get rid of. I suggested getting just some of the slides of their trips made into pictures but then he said ... we already have hundreds of photo albums. So I give up. He just needs to vent and I need to realize eventhough I am a fixer, I can't fix everything. I just wish he didn't repeat himself so much. He always did but it is getting worse. He tells the story, and then tells it again, and then tells it again. ack.
I have two weeks before the Big C surgery and I really want to get my house in order which woudl make me feel better but I feel like I need to get over there and start. I don't know what to do.
Oh, and yeah, I guess I need to work at some point.
And so it goes ...
So if you go into the what they call the health care center you have to private pay. To the tune of 6,700 a month! Who knows how long one or both of my parents might end up needing nursing home care. And the other one will be paying $6,000 a month! That is crazy. My parents paid in to medicare and have good insurance on top of that and deserve to use that.
After doing some thinking and talking to Troy, I decided this was too much of a risk. So I called Glen Meadows and the admissions director was really nice. Since they have had a deposit there for so long they are at the top of the list to get whatever is available. The entrance fee is considerably higher than the Presbyterian home but the rent is not and they do have a licensed nursing home that takes medicare.
Plus my father will get his god damn kitchen. Which actually I totally understand. They get one evening meal, can pay for more if they want but are able to do breakfast and lunch in their apt. They do have patio homes and that is what they really would like but then they have to go outside to get to the dining hall so as my father said ... he will just have to lower his standards and go into an apt. Yes, they are in apt now but they have a beloved balcony.
I felt better that they said they would accept her in a wheelchair which is a big change from when these CCRC's first started. I guess they realized that people are coming in older and in worse shape and needed to accommodate them. Also as long as my father is able to do the stuff like get her her medicine and stuff, they can be together. So that all sounds good.
It is still too bad that they didn't move sooner or that if my father wasn't such a bastard sometimes that they could move in here and we could just get help.
Anyhoo, I played hardball after he said we coudl go and look at the apartments. I told him that we are done looking and I need to know that you are willing to sign a contract tomorrow. He said yes.
On top of this my mother is getting discharged from St. Joe's today. I tried to get her in to the nursing home at Glen Meadows which would be ideal but since they are not under contract yet, they won't take her. Plus they aren't able to use the wound vac that they have in her leg draining and healing from the surgery.
So after Glen Meadows we have to move my mom to Perring Parkway nursing home. They won't give you an exact time because they have to wait until the surgeon signs the paperwork but once he does they they want you OUT! While my father as usual thinks we coudl do it ourselves, the social worker suggested a wheelchair van would be better because she wouldn't have to get in and out of a car. He agreed but feels we need to be there so she doesn't freak out like she did when she refused the surgery and the surgeon had to call my father from the operating room.
I called the social worker and said, no we can't do 4PM, get the wheelchair van for 5 because I need to get Glen Meadows straightened out and my father is just so slow about everything I don't want to have to go back tomorrow. Fuck them.
Speaking of nuts my father is really losing it too. He called me yesterday thinking that she was no longer on the wound vac and since she can lift her legs all of three inches in her lounge chair, we could get her home. WTF? Um, no. How is he going to get her in and out of bed? I said no and btw, she is still on the wound vac. They just take her off it for a couple of hours every day. Poor guy but he is really getting on my nerves with the stupid stuff he keeps saying.
Oh, and on top of that their food disposal broke and flooded the kitchen and he had to deal with that and found 6 pairs of my mothers dirty underwear hidden way in the back under the sink. Dementia just sucks.
Anyhoo, I don't know if I was fighting getting sick yesterday, (well I was, I felt pretty bad and took lots of echinecea) or just emotionally exhausted but I got little done and even took a nap which I never do. I feel lots better today so maybe that was good to build up my energy to deal with today.
My concern is that she will be discharged from the nursing home after rehab and then where will she go? I am thinking assisted living at Glen Meadows because by then we should have all the paperwork done.
But I am not going to be able to help my father pack up the house until at least August. My cousin called last night and she said she and her two sisters could help. God help them. But quite frankly my father has helped all of them out financially over the years so it would be good karma for them to help.
My father already was lamenting this morning about all the slides and photo albums that he needs to get rid of. I suggested getting just some of the slides of their trips made into pictures but then he said ... we already have hundreds of photo albums. So I give up. He just needs to vent and I need to realize eventhough I am a fixer, I can't fix everything. I just wish he didn't repeat himself so much. He always did but it is getting worse. He tells the story, and then tells it again, and then tells it again. ack.
I have two weeks before the Big C surgery and I really want to get my house in order which woudl make me feel better but I feel like I need to get over there and start. I don't know what to do.
Oh, and yeah, I guess I need to work at some point.
And so it goes ...
