Friday, June 15, 2007
tgihf
huh?
thank god I have friends.
I told my parents today about the BIG C. My father didn't say anything and my mother asked a few questions like where and when I was having the surgery. And then asked again because her short term memory is gone. I answered again of course. At least someone had said something. :)
But no hugs, no tears, no nothing. No how are you? How are you feeling? Are you scared?
They are so funny. I felt like saying, hey Dad, remember when you got the dx of the prostate cancer? And passed out in the doctor's office? And I had to go get mom at the ER and take her back to her car because she went with you in the ambulance? Hmmmmmmm. I was home alone when the doc called.
I remember when Henry was born and was in the NICU and I was on the phone with my friend Edie telling her that Henry might die and crying and just feeling depleted. Missy was at the hospital and I had come home for a shower. My mother was here watching Eli. She just sat in the chair and watched me falling apart on the phone. She didn't get up and hug me or anything.
ahhhhhhhhhhh.
And just a few years ago after we had had a nice Easter dinner my father told me they were selling their silver tableware. How I wouldn't take care of it.
It really rocked my world. Not that I needed it or wanted it but it was clearly one of the few things of value that I thought would be handed down to me. It was like ... you can't even take care of what you have. It had nothing to do with them needing the money. They totally didn't get how that could have upset me.
I got up from the table and started the dishes and cried the whole time I was doing the dishes. I heard my father say ... I knew that was coming. He meant my reaction. My mother said yes. And then she went and sat at the kitchen table and watched me clean up crying the whole time. My father just got up and went in the living room. Nothing else was said. No... we are sorry if that hurt your feelings.
No wonder I am as screwed up as I am. Feelings were not something that was shared or supported.
Oh well. I am overwhelmed with love and support from my friends. Maybe this is why I have put so much into friendships over the years. To me they are family. Family of choice. Some of my friends disagree. They see blood and legal ties as something above what I consider life-long connections. I have been hurt by this. But it is how I choose to live my life. I won't change even if I am not considered family by them.
Maybe it is being adopted. Maybe it is being a lesbian who for better or worse has made the decision that my children do indeed have another parent. Yes, luckily, we were able to make that legal, but even if we hadn't ... it wouldn't have changed my values and morals.
Family is chosen. You can choose to not be family with someone who is blood/legally tied to you. Why can't you do the opposite and say I have a commitment to this person for life. They are family.
I am truly blessed. I do have family.
And so it goes.
thank god I have friends.
I told my parents today about the BIG C. My father didn't say anything and my mother asked a few questions like where and when I was having the surgery. And then asked again because her short term memory is gone. I answered again of course. At least someone had said something. :)
But no hugs, no tears, no nothing. No how are you? How are you feeling? Are you scared?
They are so funny. I felt like saying, hey Dad, remember when you got the dx of the prostate cancer? And passed out in the doctor's office? And I had to go get mom at the ER and take her back to her car because she went with you in the ambulance? Hmmmmmmm. I was home alone when the doc called.
I remember when Henry was born and was in the NICU and I was on the phone with my friend Edie telling her that Henry might die and crying and just feeling depleted. Missy was at the hospital and I had come home for a shower. My mother was here watching Eli. She just sat in the chair and watched me falling apart on the phone. She didn't get up and hug me or anything.
ahhhhhhhhhhh.
And just a few years ago after we had had a nice Easter dinner my father told me they were selling their silver tableware. How I wouldn't take care of it.
It really rocked my world. Not that I needed it or wanted it but it was clearly one of the few things of value that I thought would be handed down to me. It was like ... you can't even take care of what you have. It had nothing to do with them needing the money. They totally didn't get how that could have upset me.
I got up from the table and started the dishes and cried the whole time I was doing the dishes. I heard my father say ... I knew that was coming. He meant my reaction. My mother said yes. And then she went and sat at the kitchen table and watched me clean up crying the whole time. My father just got up and went in the living room. Nothing else was said. No... we are sorry if that hurt your feelings.
No wonder I am as screwed up as I am. Feelings were not something that was shared or supported.
Oh well. I am overwhelmed with love and support from my friends. Maybe this is why I have put so much into friendships over the years. To me they are family. Family of choice. Some of my friends disagree. They see blood and legal ties as something above what I consider life-long connections. I have been hurt by this. But it is how I choose to live my life. I won't change even if I am not considered family by them.
Maybe it is being adopted. Maybe it is being a lesbian who for better or worse has made the decision that my children do indeed have another parent. Yes, luckily, we were able to make that legal, but even if we hadn't ... it wouldn't have changed my values and morals.
Family is chosen. You can choose to not be family with someone who is blood/legally tied to you. Why can't you do the opposite and say I have a commitment to this person for life. They are family.
I am truly blessed. I do have family.
And so it goes.
