Thursday, June 14, 2007
mommy
I have been thinking lately how I no longer have a mommy. I have become the parent to my mother and somewhat to my father.
And now with the BIG C, I really realize how I no longer have someone who can comfort me in a way only a mother can do. I need to be strong for them and my kids so no one needs to worry.
It is what we do when we are adults.
We also lose our parents. The cycle of life. I have lots of friends who have lost their mothers to death. It is incredibly painful. But my mother is still around but unable to comfort or at least I don't think she can.
It is a transition that everyone goes through. And may be worse if you haven't resolved feelings. My father ... another long story. But as a child my mother was nurturing and loving and I learned a lot about how I want to parent my children from her.
She was far from perfect. I do have resentments about how she always took my fathers side and I feel abandoned me at times. But that mishegoss is not what I am focusing on now.
It is more like I want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Actually that is what a significant other is supposed to do at some point and hell ... I never had that even when I supposedly did have a partner.
As Dr. Phil says, everyone needs a soft place to fall.
Not everyone gets one.
And so it goes ...
And now with the BIG C, I really realize how I no longer have someone who can comfort me in a way only a mother can do. I need to be strong for them and my kids so no one needs to worry.
It is what we do when we are adults.
We also lose our parents. The cycle of life. I have lots of friends who have lost their mothers to death. It is incredibly painful. But my mother is still around but unable to comfort or at least I don't think she can.
It is a transition that everyone goes through. And may be worse if you haven't resolved feelings. My father ... another long story. But as a child my mother was nurturing and loving and I learned a lot about how I want to parent my children from her.
She was far from perfect. I do have resentments about how she always took my fathers side and I feel abandoned me at times. But that mishegoss is not what I am focusing on now.
It is more like I want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Actually that is what a significant other is supposed to do at some point and hell ... I never had that even when I supposedly did have a partner.
As Dr. Phil says, everyone needs a soft place to fall.
Not everyone gets one.
And so it goes ...
