Saturday, May 12, 2007
new normals
My newest thing is realizing there are such things as new normals. That we get used to things pretty quickly and accept them. I know I did it accepting my, um, bladder issues for years until I got the surgery to pull the sucker back up. It just felt normal to wear a pad all the time. TMI. sorry.
And now at night I am finding I wake up and wonder if my mother is okay downstairs. I often also forget whether the kids are hear or not.
The most worrisome for me is that I think I have been accepting the fighting between the kids and mood swings of Henry and other stuff that if I think about it, it is not normal. Beyond the norm. I know kids fight and I know kids especially teens and tweens have mood swings. But what goes on here is off the scale.
And now my latest is that my father and I fight and then it is over. I am getting used to it.
Today I went over to give my mother a shower. I arranged for a tub transfer chair, bought the hand held shower head and suggested taking the glass doors off the shower because it wouldn't work with them. I bought a shower curtain and pole. But instead of being thanked for all that my father feels out of control and pissed off at me. So instead he has to tell me the same shit over and over again about how to use everything when I friggin suggested and got all of it!
He wouldn't leave us alone int the bathromm and kept coming in and giving instructions. I am not an idiot. I finally said, I know, I can do this! And he said okay, you know everything and huffed out. And I said fine, then you want to do this? And then my mother says please don't yell at him. I said I dont' want him yelling and me and I will not accept it anymore. ugh.
We did pretty well. However, it is a very dangerous operation. Especially since she needs to be cued on everything and forgets what she is supposed to do. I told my father we need a grab bar in the tub and one outside.
He thinks he can do this with her. I don't think he can. He just lets her do stuff that is dangerous because he thinks she knows what she is doing. I barely was able.
The tub has tons of mildew. I asked him if he had something for it or I would get some and he said he has been cleaning the tub for years and he can do it. Well, his idea of clean and mine are very different. All he does is complain about how much he has to do but when I offer to do stuff he gets all huffy and says he can handle it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
She only needs to shower every 3 days or so so I will try and get it done without him trying to get it done.
I know he is still an incredibly capable person but he has his limits. The other day I saw him pulling her arm to get her out of her recliner instead of putting his hand under her armpit. I told him not to do that. They both could go flying.
Anyhoo, after the shower it was like the fight didn't happen and I didn't feel my blood pressure rising. I am just going to have to put my foot down and do stuff and if he has to blow off steam, so be it.
Oh, and I found two pills on her nightstand when we were getting her dressed. I asked what they were and she said they were her candies. Then I showed my father and he said he didn't know what they were. So when I asked her again she said they are pills she takes every day. They have B on one side and it looks like a ML 25 on the other. I took them with me. My father kept saying they weren't there yesterday. Duh. He didn't know where they came from. So we got my mother to go to the kitchen to find the pill bottle but she couldn't and she got all agitated that we were trying to confuse her.
As we opened drawers my father stood there saying there was no meds in there. I found some in one drawer and there was the percocet sitting out from when she first hurt her back.
I worry. He is not all there sometimes and watching him get up the stairs the other day was scary. He has to pull himself up.
Anyway, adjusting to new normals all over the place.
And so it goes.
And now at night I am finding I wake up and wonder if my mother is okay downstairs. I often also forget whether the kids are hear or not.
The most worrisome for me is that I think I have been accepting the fighting between the kids and mood swings of Henry and other stuff that if I think about it, it is not normal. Beyond the norm. I know kids fight and I know kids especially teens and tweens have mood swings. But what goes on here is off the scale.
And now my latest is that my father and I fight and then it is over. I am getting used to it.
Today I went over to give my mother a shower. I arranged for a tub transfer chair, bought the hand held shower head and suggested taking the glass doors off the shower because it wouldn't work with them. I bought a shower curtain and pole. But instead of being thanked for all that my father feels out of control and pissed off at me. So instead he has to tell me the same shit over and over again about how to use everything when I friggin suggested and got all of it!
He wouldn't leave us alone int the bathromm and kept coming in and giving instructions. I am not an idiot. I finally said, I know, I can do this! And he said okay, you know everything and huffed out. And I said fine, then you want to do this? And then my mother says please don't yell at him. I said I dont' want him yelling and me and I will not accept it anymore. ugh.
We did pretty well. However, it is a very dangerous operation. Especially since she needs to be cued on everything and forgets what she is supposed to do. I told my father we need a grab bar in the tub and one outside.
He thinks he can do this with her. I don't think he can. He just lets her do stuff that is dangerous because he thinks she knows what she is doing. I barely was able.
The tub has tons of mildew. I asked him if he had something for it or I would get some and he said he has been cleaning the tub for years and he can do it. Well, his idea of clean and mine are very different. All he does is complain about how much he has to do but when I offer to do stuff he gets all huffy and says he can handle it. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
She only needs to shower every 3 days or so so I will try and get it done without him trying to get it done.
I know he is still an incredibly capable person but he has his limits. The other day I saw him pulling her arm to get her out of her recliner instead of putting his hand under her armpit. I told him not to do that. They both could go flying.
Anyhoo, after the shower it was like the fight didn't happen and I didn't feel my blood pressure rising. I am just going to have to put my foot down and do stuff and if he has to blow off steam, so be it.
Oh, and I found two pills on her nightstand when we were getting her dressed. I asked what they were and she said they were her candies. Then I showed my father and he said he didn't know what they were. So when I asked her again she said they are pills she takes every day. They have B on one side and it looks like a ML 25 on the other. I took them with me. My father kept saying they weren't there yesterday. Duh. He didn't know where they came from. So we got my mother to go to the kitchen to find the pill bottle but she couldn't and she got all agitated that we were trying to confuse her.
As we opened drawers my father stood there saying there was no meds in there. I found some in one drawer and there was the percocet sitting out from when she first hurt her back.
I worry. He is not all there sometimes and watching him get up the stairs the other day was scary. He has to pull himself up.
Anyway, adjusting to new normals all over the place.
And so it goes.
